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Heart Broken| when the one you love, Loves another

There’s this boy I’m in love with.
He is not my kind of guy.
He aint cute enough, rich enough, doesn’t dress properly but he speaks well, is smart, romantic, uhm He is just there but I’m crazily in love with him only he just loves me (hope you get the difference).

I’m d kind of girl, guys like him admire from afar cause they know they ‘no reach’ yet this ‘lucky dude’ treats me like dirty.

I can’t exactly remember how we became close friends but I remember waking one day and he was the first thing on my mind, throughtout that day and every other day after he became the major thingy.

I have fun with this dude, I find happiness with him (well, when he aint talking about the other girl).
He is the one person I can’t stay angry at – like, he’d say something nasty, he’d hurt me yet I’d love him still and more sef. Uhm, if there’s anyone I’d do anything for without a second thought, It’s Him.

We did make out once, and it was the bestest – like I could allow him do what so ever he wants and still adore him the second later.
I run the risk of losing my friends for him but still I don’t mind (at times sha o).
I practically worship the ground he walks on yet he hardly remembers the intensity of my feelings for him.

My friends tell me he aint worth it, that I’m too good for him and that he aint worth me. I know the other girl loves him too to bits more they aint good together.
Even with all the hurt, I’m always willing to comfort him when there’s an ish between both of them.
I pray one day, he’d love him as much or I’d find someone else.

(I feel like taylor swift in her ‘You Belong to Me’)

•••You’re on the phone with your girlfriend, she’s upset
She’s going off about something that you said
‘Cause she doesn’t get your humor like I do
I’m in the room, it’s a typical Tuesday night
I’m listening to the kind of music she doesn’t like
And she’ll never know your story like I do
But she wears short skirts, I wear T-shirts
She’s Cheer Captain and I’m on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find
That what you’re looking for has been here the whole time
If you could see that I’m the one who understands you
Been here all along, so why can’t you see?
You, you belong with me, you belong with me
Walking the streets with you and your worn-out jeans
I can’t help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on a park bench, thinking to myself
Hey, isn’t this easy?
And you’ve got a smile that could light up this whole town
I haven’t seen it in a while since she brought you down
You say you’re fine, I know you better than that
Hey, what ya doing with a girl like that?
She wears high heels, I wear sneakers
She’s Cheer Captain and I’m on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find
That what you’re looking for has been here the whole time
If you could see that I’m the one who understands you
Been here all along, so why can’t you see?
You belong with me
Standing by and waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know?
Baby, you belong with me, you belong with me
Oh, I remember you driving to my house in the middle of
the night
I’m the one who makes you laugh when you know you’re
’bout to cry
And I know your favorite songs and you tell me ’bout your
dreams
Think I know where you belong, think I know it’s with me
Can’t you see that I’m the one who understands you?
Been here all along, so why can’t you see?
You belong with me
Standing by and waiting at your back door
All this time, how could you not know?
Baby, you belong with me, you belong with me
You belong with me
Have you ever thought just maybe
You belong with me?
You belong with me•••

If wishes were horses.!
What do I do now?
Keep loving and be his friend or waka?

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6

Heart broken |my Boyfriend and Best friend doing things

“My bestfriend and My boyfriend they play me and they no send”

Psquare’s song keeps ringing in my head as I think of the latest traumatising event in my life.

••••••••••••••••••••••

I had a Fixed class that saturday morning by 7am, so I woke up very early and left my hostel…
*Annoyingly, the class didn’t start till 10am.
So I spent the three hours preceding the class sleeping (c’mon na, wasn’t my fault, I slept late cause I was reading o and then had to wake early •shrugs•), and pinging (with my boo hehe).

•••
Immediately the lecturer left the class, I packed my books and ran out. My mind was already in my hostel (my boyfriend was in my room, – had been there for about an hour and half – my bestie was keeping him company though •Thank God• ).

••Immediately I got to my room, I felt funny.
My door was locked, so I knocked and my friend opened the door (only, it took her more time than normal to open the door) as a result, the funny feeling intensified a bit, but I deliberately decided against dwelling on it (turned out to be a wrong move).
When I entered inside, Josh (my boyfriend) was fast asleep (I think this fact calmed me down #smh), so I just chatted with Ann (my bestfriend) and then she said she was going to bathe, that she had choir rehearsals to Go for and that she was only still around because she didn’t want to leave Josh alone (”awww, that’s so sweet dearie” I said to her).

She left, I got a little bored so I jumped on Josh’s body in an attempt to wake him up.
The ‘cutie’ grudgingly woke up and bounced on me (I’m blushing at the memory).
We fought, laughed and he started kissing me (the rest is history …hehe *winks*).

He left ‘later later later’ after much ado (*winks*)
Ann came, gisted me about rehearsal, we cooked, ate and slept.

* That saturday passed, didn’t go back to it.

•.•.•UNTIL

A week later…

I was looking for my material desperately, Ann wasn’t around to help me search.
I had scattered every where scatterable, searched everywhere searchable yet I couldn’t find it.
I was already pissed.

I moved over to Ann’s personal bag to check ( at this point I didn’t care where I was checking provided I found what I was looking for).
In the process of searching, I found her dairy.

I couldn’t resist opening it ( latest conc mistake). I saw lots of interesting stuffs (hehe, sweet – at that point o) and yes! I had a deeper insight about my friend.

I kept reading and then I got to a page dated ‘4th May 2013’ (the day I had that fixed class).
I started reading and I got to part that said “Josh looked really good, I was horny and he was looking at me like he had something on his mind. I knew nothing Should happen cause of Jopesi but… I’m terribly attracted to him and everytime I see him with Jopesi I get a little jealous.
Jopesi is my best friend and I can’t betray her but… I was still having this huge fight with my conscience when I noticed he was closer to me.
Yes! You must have guessed, He kissed me and I responded, Gosh! it was the best kiss I had ever had. I couldn’t stop kissing him and when his hands touch my breasts every thought and concern about Jopesi left my mind – Only thing I could think about was Josh.
We made out ‘intensely’, my clothes were already off (totally), his shirt had come off too, his zipper was down and he was about to remove his trouser when I heard a knock (I’m sure after the person who turned out to be Jopesi had knocked like thrice already).
Sweat broke out already, I was nervous I had no idea how she’d react to the close door or to the the fact that I didn’t answer immediately.
*While I was panicking, Josh had already dressed up, he whispered he was going to pretend he was sleeping ( he did it perfectly well).
I just packed my clothes into my wardrope, tied towel and opened the door to face my fate”

•.•Mehn! When I read it, I was mad, hurt and at the same time I felt nothing (no surprise though that I crammed the whole thing word for word)…

I read on, and she talked about her bad she felt immediately she realised what had happened, that she cried her heart out while bathing. She said, she almost didn’t want to come back to the hostel after rehearsal cause she didn’t know if she’d be able to stand seeing me. Summary is *She felt bad*.

But…

SHE NEVER TOLD ME!

AND NEITHEER DID JOSH!

Aaaaaaarrrgggghhhh! I’m mad, hurt, I feel …
( Tears keeps dropping ), my heart is heavy.

~~~I haven’t told them I know about what happened but everytime I see any of them I feel …
They still carry on like nothing happened.. Aaaarrrgggh!

I dnt know what to do right now. I fear if I talk to them about it I’d kill someone.
I love them both still, but its painful.

Who do I blame more?
Josh? For coming unto her and then making out with me too after she had left (can you imagine the kind of mind he has? Kai!)
Or
Ann for betraying our friendship and submitting to her desire and never telling me about it (shoot! I eat with this girl, bath with her, sleep with her – like sleep in the same room with her *hehe* ).
Isn’t best friends supposed to be the one’s to comfort us when our spouse messes up? *sighs*

Dunno!
Both I still love them both alot.
I’m hurt, but no strength and urge to get angry and do something to them.

HELP!!!