0

How to Love Unconditionally and Stay Sane

After two painful divorces, I learned several valuable
lessons about love and marriage that I was sharing with a
friend awhile back. You may be reluctant to take
relationship advice from someone who’s on her third
marriage, so take what I’ve learned with a grain of salt. But
I wish someone had taught me these lessons years ago.
13 Things I’ve Learned About Unconditional Love
1. Unconditional love is epic. You can’t earn it. You don’t get
to choose who receives it. It goes beyond all logic and
exceeds your ability to understand it. It just is.
2. Unconditional love doesn’t just apply to romance. While
you may love your partner unconditionally, you may also
unconditionally love your parent, your child, your best
friend, or your ex-lover.
3. Unconditional love doesn’t always make sense. You may
unconditionally love your abusive, alcoholic mother or the
brother who molested you or the husband who betrayed
you. You may have every reason on earth to hate someone,
but you love them anyway. That’s how unconditional love
works.
4. Unconditional love is boundless. By definition, there are no
conditions on unconditional love. It is a gift someone
doesn’t have to earn. It’s Divine love. It’s a form of grace.
The person you love could become a drug dealer, form a
prostitution ring, molest a child, and then kill someone –
and you might not like what they’ve done, but you will still
love them.
5. You can love the person unconditionally and still hate the
behavior. The person you love unconditionally may
disappoint you in a thousand ways. But when you love
unconditionally, you can separate the behavior from the
person, rejecting the behavior without rejecting the person.
6. Loving someone unconditionally doesn’t mean being a
doormat. Even if you love someone with this kind of epic
love, you don’t have to tolerate bad behavior. If he cheats,
it’s okay to leave. If he hits you, it’s okay to separate. If she
tears you apart every time, you don’t have to keep going
home. You can love unconditionally and still set
boundaries.
7. Unconditional love doesn’t mean staying when you’re
unhappy or unfulfilled. Sometimes we unconditionally love
a partner who isn’t meeting our needs. Maybe your partner
doesn’t feed your soul, squelches your creative potential,
and threatens to hold you back from living out your calling
and reaching for your dreams. As much as having
unconditional love for someone can enrich a relationship,
the presence of unconditional love doesn’t mean settling for
less than you truly desire in life. Sometimes it’s time to
move on – and that’s okay. It doesn’t weaken the love or
mean you’re a bad person. You can leave, and even if you
break someone’s heart, you can still love that person
unconditionally.
8. We enter into sacred contracts with those we love
unconditionally. We are here on earth with those we love
unconditionally in agreement to help each other grow. To
complete our assignments, we face challenges together.
How we navigate these challenges is part of what we’re
here on earth to learn.
9. Unconditional love relishes the individuality of another
being. When you love unconditionally, you love someone
for who they really are – not who you want them to be.
When you love someone unconditionally, you encourage
authenticity. You celebrate diversity and non-conformity,
you agree to disagree, you encourage debate, and you
don’t take it personally. You stop faking it with each other.
You give that person permission to live and speak his or
her truth, even if you don’t agree with what he or she
believes.
10. Unconditional love may not be reciprocated. Every
individual has a different capacity for opening their heart.
You may be more gifted in loving with an open heart than
the person you love unconditionally. It’s not personal. Be
grateful that you have this capacity to love, and try not to
take it personally if the person you love isn’t able to return
the epic love you have. If your love isn’t reciprocated, don’t
let it keep you from opening your heart to others. As much
as it can hurt to have your unconditional love
unreciprocated, you have to give people permission to
break your heart in order to experience the blessings of
being loved unconditionally by others.
11. Unconditional love never ends, even if the relationship is
over. By its very definition, unconditional love is not
conditional. The love can go on beyond when a relationship
ends. You can love someone unconditionally who you
haven’t seen in twenty years. Unconditional love can even
continue after the person you love dies. This kind of love
never ends.
12. Unconditional love is worth the risk. When you give your
heart away fully to someone, you assume risk. Someone
could hurt you. You’re saddled with a love that will never
end. It can be scary and painful and exhausting to love
unconditionally. But dare I say that this is the meaning of
life – to learn to love unconditionally and be loved in
return? Yes, that’s what I believe.
13. To love unconditionally is divine. When we love
unconditionally, we channel the kind of love the Divine has
for us and become vessels of healing, nurturing, and
connection.
It’s such a fine balance. One of my wise clients said, “Love
that requires you to compromise your integrity, your values,
or your healing isn’t, ultimately, love.” Or is it? Maybe
people who demand that you compromise your integrity,
your values, or your healing shouldn’t be allowed to
influence you, and if you can’t set those boundaries and still
have them in your life, perhaps you need to take a break
from them.
But is it not love? I’m not sure. I guess I think you can still
love someone who asks you to compromise. The difference
is that you don’t have to acquiesce to anyone’s demands,
even if you love them unconditionally.
Do You Love Someone Unconditionally?
Tell us your triumphs, your challenges, your feelings, and
your stories.

Unconditionally yours,
LISSA RANKIN,
MD: Founder of http://www.OwningPink.com, Pink
Medicine Revolutionary, motivational speaker, and author
of What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your
Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend and Encaustic Art:
The Complete Guide To Creating Fine Art With Wax.

Advertisements
0

Learning to Love unconditionally

By KC Dang
Extracted from http://www.tinybuddha.com

“The most important thing in this world is to learn to
give out love, and let it come in.” ~Morrie Schwartz
Love is a strange and beautiful thing.
I always thought I knew what love meant. I grew up
hearing the words all the time. It was on TV, in books
and magazines, and people all around were saying it.
I thought I knew how to love. I mean, I told my teddy
bear that I loved him because he kept me safe at night.
I told my sister that I loved her, only if she was nice to
me and would play the games that I wanted.
But if I didn’t get that new limited edition beanie baby,
I felt differently for my parents. If my friends at school
didn’t give me the birthday presents I wanted, I felt
differently for them.
I seemed to only love the people and things that would
give me something in return and that would allow life
to go on the way that I wanted it to.
I never truly felt love, a love that was unconditional
and all encompassing, until the day I first saw my dad
cry.
My friends always tell me that my father is the
happiest man that they’ve ever met. He greets
everyone with open arms, and his smile is so big you
can practically count all of his teeth.
The other day I came home, and my dad looked
sullen, the smile usually spread across his face
missing. He looked into my eyes and just collapsed
into my arms, sobbing.
I could feel his sadness before I even heard the tears,
from the way he put his entire body weight on me as if
he needed help just standing, and the way he gripped
me so tight like a child does with his mom on the first
day of school.
My sister had just made a rash career decision that
would leave her in a large amount of debt and
temporarily unemployed. And my dad just didn’t have
the money that she needed to help her out of her
situation.
Growing up, my dad always told us that his one
purpose in life was to give us the life that he never had.
And in his eyes, at that moment, he had failed.
You see, my parents are first generation immigrants
from Vietnam. They come from impoverished families,
both with more than 10 siblings each. Their journey to
America is almost like a fictional tale to me, something
that they rarely talk about, with my dad escaping first,
then my mom, aunt, and sister, who almost didn’t even
make it out alive.
At first, the American Dream wasn’t all that it was
made out to be. Yes, freedom rang, but so did the
challenge of learning a new language, a new culture, a
new way of making money and supporting a family.
But somehow, they did it. They raised my older sister
and put her through college. They raised my aunt, and
put her through college. They raised my twin sister and
me, and put us through college. And in the midst of all
that, they found a way to sponsor all of their own
siblings to emigrate to the land of the free.
It didn’t come easy though.
They accomplished all of this, even if it meant working
two (at times three) jobs. Even if it meant scrubbing
floors, toilets, hospitals, classrooms. Even if it meant
working all day and night and surviving on only two
hours of sleep.
Even if it meant tears and days where we all just cried
ourselves to sleep.
Growing up, my dad gave me everything I wanted. He
let me play sports, bought me nice clothes and toys, a
new car—even if he had to sneak by my mother so
that she wouldn’t get upset about how much he was
spoiling me.
But at the same time, my dad expected straight As,
and to succeed and excel in everything that I did. At
times I would get so mad at him and scream and
complain about why he made me study so much when
all of my friends were out having fun. His reply was
always, “So you don’t ever have to live a hard life like
us.”
I always wondered how my dad made it, how he and
my mom brought up three successful children and
stayed together through it all.
This year, my parents will have been married for 35
years, and to say they’ve been through a lot is an
understatement. They made sacrifices that threatened
their relationship with each other, with their brothers
and sisters, and even their own parents—all for us.
There is never a day that goes by where my dad
doesn’t tell me “I love you” before going to bed. It’s
with this unconditional love that keeps him going
strong, and that keeps him smiling every day no
matter how tough things can be.
I was blind to this until that day I saw my dad at his
most vulnerable point. Looking at him, bent over in my
arms like a little child, I realized that unconditional
love does not come easy; it is something learned and
practiced.
It is through the toughest times, the happiest times, and
every single obstacle of life that you can discover new
ways of loving.
I did that day as I held my daddy, my hero, in my
arms. I discovered just how to finally let the love come
in that my dad had been giving me for 22 years, and
not question or find a reason for it.
My dad has taught me that to love unconditionally is to
love with absolutely no boundaries. Even when it hurts,
his love is never failing; it stays limitless, never
changing.
There are times in our lives when loving someone else
seems nearly impossible because of the difficult
situations that we find ourselves in. There are times
when we say harsh things to people we love just
because things aren’t going our way, or because they
made us unhappy.
In these situations, we find ourselves putting provisions
on love. We attach it to how others are acting, and
whether they reciprocate the feelings we give to them.
We attach it to the circumstances and emotions that go
on in a single moment.
We find ourselves holding back, fearful of being hurt,
afraid to sacrifice a piece of ourselves. But what if we
looked beyond all this and just loved?
Love because you’re grateful for the things someone
has done for you. Love because someone needs you,
needs a friend to lean on during their struggles. Love
even when it is difficult, even when your mind tells you
that you shouldn’t.
Love by looking beyond people’s faults, struggles,
and whatever pain and hardships that life may bring.
This unconditional love is something that can so easily
be given if we recognize it, and that can change
someone else’s life completely.
When we love and treat each other with the utmost
care and attention, the little things that bother us seem
far less overwhelming.
What would the world be like if we stopped looking to
get something in return, and just loved unconditionally,
for the happiness and inner peace it brings us all?

0

Random | introduction to Unconditional love

This morning my friend asked me ” Itimi, how is it possible to love unconditionally? Mehn! How did Jesus do it?”
I couldn’t give a concrete answer so I just smiled.
Thinking about it now, the only thing I can say is Loving Unconditionally is Hard.

How do you look beyond faults, flaws, lies and disappointment? How do you love someone who hurts you again and again? How do you love someone who doesn’t take your love serious or who takes you (and your love) for granted? How do we love beyond? How do we love even after all? How do we love unconditionally?

From experience:
I know that Loving isn’t easy.
It’s Pain, it’s hurt, it’s Fun, it’s joy… It’s a tragedy, It’s an enigma, it’s beautiful, complicated.
Love is a responsibility
Love required effort
Love is not easy.
If you claim to love, then you got to be able to take a lot of bullshit and bliss.

That is just Loving.
A love that can so choke you that you decide to stop caring, to stop loving, to just leave.
Conditional Love.

Now let’s check out Unconditional Love
Hehe!
If loving conditionally is as I described above, how is unconditional love like???
Unconditional Love is Love at it’s peak. It is Love – true love no matter what. It is forever.
Unconditional love is not choosy, unconditional love accepts and bears all, it never stops, it doesn’t leave, it loves beyond all flaws, it overlooks all faults. It is as described in 1Cor 13.
Yes! As human’s, unconditional love is hard. It requires patience, Tolerance, Strong will, a willing heart, a prayerful person and God’s grace. But hey! It’s possible.
Abeg e!

Bla bla bla!

I’m in love (wrong)…
… Sorry, at the moment I can say, I love someone unconditionally (sometimes I wish it was someone else I loved liked this) and truly it drives me crazy.
It’s beautiful but I hurt a lot because it’s like my •unconditonal love• Is not returned. Sometimes I wonder if this person loves me at all. I take lots of bullshit, I have had to deal with a lot of cold shoulder. There’s the jealousy part when the attention that’s supposed to mine is given to someone else without me being reasoned.
I just always have to deal with ish’s, makes me get •into my head• A lot. Makes me crazy and unsettled.
I have tried to •fashi• This person, I have tried to leave, I have tried to reduce the love, I have tried to forget but it never works. The loves just intensifies instead.
Drives me crazy.

But Well, if Jesus can love. I can too.
If God loves me no matter what, then I can love others too no matter what.

I JUST decided that I’m gonna keep loving, cause the truth is Love always brings the positive. So either, My love and worth would be fully appreciated one day and the love would be returned (By this person) or I’d just get it from someone else (or people sef!)…

Lord Grace to continue sha.

Hehe! I googled unconditional love, so I’m gonna share some stories about it that I found there. Enjoy!