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Rescued by God. Episode 3

I didn’t even call jason to say I was home. I was So mad at him. He called me, I didn’t pick. He kept calling and calling and I still didn’t pick. I just didn’t want to talk to him, In fact, it was over between us. I sent him a text a week after the incident to tell him that.
He was heart broken (so I heard from my friend Deb) and couldn’t concentrate on anything but I didn’t care. He messed up! Deb asked what happened, after awhile, I finally opened up to her and told her the whole story.
“… He had promised we weren’t going to have sex until marriage, he said he could do without sex. Oh he lied!” I cried.
And then, to my utter dismay, Deb started laughing. (“Why do people always laugh at me when I’m saying something very serious and important” I wondered angrily).
“You are laughing because?” I asked her
” Because you are stupid” she said
” Jason told me the whole thing before you did, I only allowed you talk because like Him I wasn’t sure what the problem was. Now, I have heard you, I can only laugh at how naïve and stupid you are”
Without allowing me reply, she continued
“He doesn’t want sex from you. He wasn’t going to sleep with you that day, He only wanted to Make out with you” she said in laughter.

Oh yea! I was confused. What the hell is Make out?
Stammering I said “i i i i ddddnt uun uun underderstand, what is Make out?”
As you must have guessed, Deb replied me first with another round of intense laughter, this time though, I couldn’t get angry, I only felt more stupid. Almost in tears, I pleaded with her to stop laughing and explain.
She then told me that making out is like foreplay but it doesn’t always have to lead to intercourse if both parties involved do not want it to.
Oh mehn! I had messed up.
I quickly picked my phone to call Jason and apologise but he didn’t pick.
I called him for three days straight, like 50 times a day, I sent text messages and got no reply or answer to calls.
The fourth day, we met at rehearsal and he gave me the most astounding Cold shoulder anyone can ever give someone. I bet other choir members noticed it too. I was hurt and pissed but I had to be calm as it turned out I was wrong after all.
After rehearsal, I tried talking to him but he ignored me. Eventually he stopped and said
“Sweets, I got your text messages and saw ur calls. I have forgiven you”
I was elated
Then he continued “But, let’s just be friends. I thought you trusted me and believed in me enough to know that I’d never go back on my words. You hurt me big time. If you had told me you knew absolutely nothing about intimacy and relationships, if you had told me you didn’t want kissing and making out as well as sex, I’d have known what to do. Now you just made me a fool. No p ok! It isn’t your fault, you are naïve and all but I’m sorry, I can’t date you anymore. Your naivety is too much for me to handle. So let’s just go back to being MD and AMD like before. Bye”
And he walked out.
Wow! I felt my whole world crush, I cried and cried and cried without caring who was watching. I got home and kept crying. Told Deb what happened, and she tried consoling me. It didn’t work.
I still tried to reason with Jason but when I saw it wasn’t working I gave up and went home.

I stayed at home for a week, my Parents’ were wondering what I was doing at home, 2weeks to my final exams. I just said I came to rest.
After that week, I felt better. Went back to school brand-new. Prepared for exams, wrote my exams. In church, I laughed and talked to Jason like we never dated.
I just pretended like nothing happened, Like my First relationship didn’t crash because I was naïve. Yea! I put up a brave front and continued with life.
I made sure though, that this experience didn’t dent my new found approachable nature.
But I knew I wasn’t going to date for a while.

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Feeling Change but memories don’t.

Been having a hard time accepting change,not just any change but Change of Feelings.
Been trying to understand why it’s easy for everyone to conform to and accept a person’s change of attitude and feeling towards them so easily.
*sighs*
Is it wrong to be too sceptical?
Is it wrong not too easily accept the fact that someone’s attitude towards you, me has changed for better?
*hmm*
I’m in dilemma but more, my heart is aching.
I can’t or I just don’t want to give in so easily because chances are If you could treat me that bad before, you could easily do so again.
*aaaaarrrgggh*

Okay! So I’ve decided to try and give you the benefit of a doubt and accept that People really do change.
But I can’t stop thinking that If not for circumstances, if not that you didn’t find any alternative you’d have never realized my worth But more, I feel I deserve Better than you…
I deserve someone who Loves me for me and treats me right everytime, from the beginning and not when He didn’t find someone else that’s treats him like I do.

Uhm! When a Father abandons his family for another, for years and then comes back to be a better Father because the ‘another’ he left then didn’t exactly work out as Hoped…

When a Mother Dumps her child, for whatever reason and then comes back to reclaim her child when difficulties arise for her or when the child becomes Successful…

When a BoyFriend Treats his ‘Babe’ like shit and then, she leaves him for awhile and he is not bothered and then he suddenly resurface’s, Full of love and care and remorse and he excepts her to take him back (if she’s single sef, I dnt care)…

But, Then… You’ve to go away before people would miss you. You’ve to leave before people would realise your worth and your importance in the place you left.
Yea, sometimes things have to Go wrong before they become right.

Yea! I’m really Confused.

One thing though, for everyone to remember is: FEELINGS COULD CHANGE BUT MEMORIES DON’T.

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Heart Broken| when the one you love, Loves another

There’s this boy I’m in love with.
He is not my kind of guy.
He aint cute enough, rich enough, doesn’t dress properly but he speaks well, is smart, romantic, uhm He is just there but I’m crazily in love with him only he just loves me (hope you get the difference).

I’m d kind of girl, guys like him admire from afar cause they know they ‘no reach’ yet this ‘lucky dude’ treats me like dirty.

I can’t exactly remember how we became close friends but I remember waking one day and he was the first thing on my mind, throughtout that day and every other day after he became the major thingy.

I have fun with this dude, I find happiness with him (well, when he aint talking about the other girl).
He is the one person I can’t stay angry at – like, he’d say something nasty, he’d hurt me yet I’d love him still and more sef. Uhm, if there’s anyone I’d do anything for without a second thought, It’s Him.

We did make out once, and it was the bestest – like I could allow him do what so ever he wants and still adore him the second later.
I run the risk of losing my friends for him but still I don’t mind (at times sha o).
I practically worship the ground he walks on yet he hardly remembers the intensity of my feelings for him.

My friends tell me he aint worth it, that I’m too good for him and that he aint worth me. I know the other girl loves him too to bits more they aint good together.
Even with all the hurt, I’m always willing to comfort him when there’s an ish between both of them.
I pray one day, he’d love him as much or I’d find someone else.

(I feel like taylor swift in her ‘You Belong to Me’)

•••You’re on the phone with your girlfriend, she’s upset
She’s going off about something that you said
‘Cause she doesn’t get your humor like I do
I’m in the room, it’s a typical Tuesday night
I’m listening to the kind of music she doesn’t like
And she’ll never know your story like I do
But she wears short skirts, I wear T-shirts
She’s Cheer Captain and I’m on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find
That what you’re looking for has been here the whole time
If you could see that I’m the one who understands you
Been here all along, so why can’t you see?
You, you belong with me, you belong with me
Walking the streets with you and your worn-out jeans
I can’t help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on a park bench, thinking to myself
Hey, isn’t this easy?
And you’ve got a smile that could light up this whole town
I haven’t seen it in a while since she brought you down
You say you’re fine, I know you better than that
Hey, what ya doing with a girl like that?
She wears high heels, I wear sneakers
She’s Cheer Captain and I’m on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find
That what you’re looking for has been here the whole time
If you could see that I’m the one who understands you
Been here all along, so why can’t you see?
You belong with me
Standing by and waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know?
Baby, you belong with me, you belong with me
Oh, I remember you driving to my house in the middle of
the night
I’m the one who makes you laugh when you know you’re
’bout to cry
And I know your favorite songs and you tell me ’bout your
dreams
Think I know where you belong, think I know it’s with me
Can’t you see that I’m the one who understands you?
Been here all along, so why can’t you see?
You belong with me
Standing by and waiting at your back door
All this time, how could you not know?
Baby, you belong with me, you belong with me
You belong with me
Have you ever thought just maybe
You belong with me?
You belong with me•••

If wishes were horses.!
What do I do now?
Keep loving and be his friend or waka?

6

Heart broken |my Boyfriend and Best friend doing things

“My bestfriend and My boyfriend they play me and they no send”

Psquare’s song keeps ringing in my head as I think of the latest traumatising event in my life.

••••••••••••••••••••••

I had a Fixed class that saturday morning by 7am, so I woke up very early and left my hostel…
*Annoyingly, the class didn’t start till 10am.
So I spent the three hours preceding the class sleeping (c’mon na, wasn’t my fault, I slept late cause I was reading o and then had to wake early •shrugs•), and pinging (with my boo hehe).

•••
Immediately the lecturer left the class, I packed my books and ran out. My mind was already in my hostel (my boyfriend was in my room, – had been there for about an hour and half – my bestie was keeping him company though •Thank God• ).

••Immediately I got to my room, I felt funny.
My door was locked, so I knocked and my friend opened the door (only, it took her more time than normal to open the door) as a result, the funny feeling intensified a bit, but I deliberately decided against dwelling on it (turned out to be a wrong move).
When I entered inside, Josh (my boyfriend) was fast asleep (I think this fact calmed me down #smh), so I just chatted with Ann (my bestfriend) and then she said she was going to bathe, that she had choir rehearsals to Go for and that she was only still around because she didn’t want to leave Josh alone (”awww, that’s so sweet dearie” I said to her).

She left, I got a little bored so I jumped on Josh’s body in an attempt to wake him up.
The ‘cutie’ grudgingly woke up and bounced on me (I’m blushing at the memory).
We fought, laughed and he started kissing me (the rest is history …hehe *winks*).

He left ‘later later later’ after much ado (*winks*)
Ann came, gisted me about rehearsal, we cooked, ate and slept.

* That saturday passed, didn’t go back to it.

•.•.•UNTIL

A week later…

I was looking for my material desperately, Ann wasn’t around to help me search.
I had scattered every where scatterable, searched everywhere searchable yet I couldn’t find it.
I was already pissed.

I moved over to Ann’s personal bag to check ( at this point I didn’t care where I was checking provided I found what I was looking for).
In the process of searching, I found her dairy.

I couldn’t resist opening it ( latest conc mistake). I saw lots of interesting stuffs (hehe, sweet – at that point o) and yes! I had a deeper insight about my friend.

I kept reading and then I got to a page dated ‘4th May 2013’ (the day I had that fixed class).
I started reading and I got to part that said “Josh looked really good, I was horny and he was looking at me like he had something on his mind. I knew nothing Should happen cause of Jopesi but… I’m terribly attracted to him and everytime I see him with Jopesi I get a little jealous.
Jopesi is my best friend and I can’t betray her but… I was still having this huge fight with my conscience when I noticed he was closer to me.
Yes! You must have guessed, He kissed me and I responded, Gosh! it was the best kiss I had ever had. I couldn’t stop kissing him and when his hands touch my breasts every thought and concern about Jopesi left my mind – Only thing I could think about was Josh.
We made out ‘intensely’, my clothes were already off (totally), his shirt had come off too, his zipper was down and he was about to remove his trouser when I heard a knock (I’m sure after the person who turned out to be Jopesi had knocked like thrice already).
Sweat broke out already, I was nervous I had no idea how she’d react to the close door or to the the fact that I didn’t answer immediately.
*While I was panicking, Josh had already dressed up, he whispered he was going to pretend he was sleeping ( he did it perfectly well).
I just packed my clothes into my wardrope, tied towel and opened the door to face my fate”

•.•Mehn! When I read it, I was mad, hurt and at the same time I felt nothing (no surprise though that I crammed the whole thing word for word)…

I read on, and she talked about her bad she felt immediately she realised what had happened, that she cried her heart out while bathing. She said, she almost didn’t want to come back to the hostel after rehearsal cause she didn’t know if she’d be able to stand seeing me. Summary is *She felt bad*.

But…

SHE NEVER TOLD ME!

AND NEITHEER DID JOSH!

Aaaaaaarrrgggghhhh! I’m mad, hurt, I feel …
( Tears keeps dropping ), my heart is heavy.

~~~I haven’t told them I know about what happened but everytime I see any of them I feel …
They still carry on like nothing happened.. Aaaarrrgggh!

I dnt know what to do right now. I fear if I talk to them about it I’d kill someone.
I love them both still, but its painful.

Who do I blame more?
Josh? For coming unto her and then making out with me too after she had left (can you imagine the kind of mind he has? Kai!)
Or
Ann for betraying our friendship and submitting to her desire and never telling me about it (shoot! I eat with this girl, bath with her, sleep with her – like sleep in the same room with her *hehe* ).
Isn’t best friends supposed to be the one’s to comfort us when our spouse messes up? *sighs*

Dunno!
Both I still love them both alot.
I’m hurt, but no strength and urge to get angry and do something to them.

HELP!!!