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Why do people Cheat?

I was reading Chimamanda’s AMERICANAH sometime ago when I had this revelation (as I like to call it) about Cheating. Let me just say I was able to understand people better (this isn’t an excuse for cheating and it definitely doesn’t make it right but I gave me one more reason not to judge).

So why do people cheat? Or rather why do the most faithful of people cheat? By this I mean those men or women who have never thought about cheating before, who don’t look outside or compare their spouse to others, who have happy homes and love this spouse senseless but by reasons unknown to them find themselves flirting with, having sex with, or just going out on dates with someone who isn’t their spouse. Continue reading

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Love or Nothing

I was talking to a friend yesterday and he said the only thing that can make him have a serious relationship is love, not physical appearance not intelligence not even spirituality just love.

I agreed with him, here’s why:
Love covers all. Love makes us able to overlook flaws. Love makes you stupid. Love is that force that draws you out and keeps you in. Love is the strongest yet most fragile feeling ever. Love looks beyond the imperfections and so only love can make you stay with someone forever and not walk away (or kill them).

We then decided that no matter how ‘perfect’ someone may be, if we dont feel drawn, if we dont love so much that it hurts, that their shortcomings matter no more, that it feels like we have to breathe the same air with him/her to live then we shouldnt marry. Continue reading

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Subtle issues

Race, it isnt always directly said but instead inferred. Age, it wouldn’t be a principal thing but it cant be willed away. Finance, cuts the corners but it’s there. Feelings, accepting them could tear you down so we look them out.

Today, I discovered that they are somethings in relationships that both parties will try not to remember but no matter how subtle the inference maybe, how good they both are in moving around the bush, those issues would never stop lurking around.

For instance: a relationship where the lady is the breadwinner or the man just cant take care of her as he ought.
Two bestfriends with 6years age difference.
A relationship where one’s Parents doesnt accept/like the spouse.
A white and a black dating in a country full of racists.
A relationship where one has cheated before.
A friendship falling apart but the parties not able to find a middle ground.
A relationship that both know wouldn’t lead anywhere but ain’t willing to part.
Or Loving your friend who loves another. You know trying to be friends with someone who you terribly in love with.
Or knowing your bestfriend isnt your bestfriend no more but you both trying to act like everything is okay.

They are lots of things we try to will out, try to pretend it isnt there. We try to hold things back, keep them lurked it, we try to forget things (because the memory is too good and the present isn’t)

Why I’m I writing this? Maybe because I just fully understood that no matter how we try to pretend or will certain things out, the truth is they are still there.

So what do we do? Accept and move on and believe that at the end those issues can make your relationship stronger. They can build you. And at the end whatever will be would be.
Do we stop willing them out? No! It makes living easier, so live easy and dont try too hard, what will be would be. Keep the feelings in if it makes life easier, at the end if it doesnt kill you (which it wouldn’t) then you’d be stronger.
Be happy and let no ish disturb your living.

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a replied Rant|Boys, Men, Males ; Whatever your problem is.

A dear friend wrote an article ranting about girls and “our wahala”, sincerely he sounded like someone whose girlfriend just dumped him and so he had decided to become gay but to make us understand his decision he wrote us the article. Anyway, I am writing this in reply to that article, to make him understand us girls better and hopefully convince him to re-think his decision on becoming gay.

Uhm, to better understand this I advice you read his post first, here—>–>http://www.ihendrix.tk/2013/11/rant-girls-women-femaleswhatever-your.html

1)We dey garden of Eden na im satan con convince Eve say make she chop the forbidden apple.
Every time I remember the story I dey wonder where Adam go, shebi man suppose protect woman? As Adam call eve bone of bone and flesh of e flesh, e mean say e suppose they care for am abi? So abeg where adam go? Shebi if e dey around the serpent for no get opportunity con poison Eve mind. I reason say e fit go dey watch the animals dey play and pursue themselves. I could agree and understand that adam needed time alone(everyone needs time alone once in a while) but Eve force am chop the apple? She tell am say if e no chop am den she go divorce am? NO OO she didn’t, so men should stop to they talk say na women make us comot Eden.

2)Not every girl likes guys with witty pickup lines. Personally, I prefer a guy to come meet me and be direct, but that no mean say you go con meet me for the first time begin ask me out o, buh you could definitely come and start up a conversation and at the end we could be friends then who knows? But if a girl wants you to use a pick up line, well what the heck? She prolly wants to see how smart u are. It isn’t a bad thing for you to work hard to make a good first impression.

And yea, you may work really hard (in your mind) in coming up with the pickup line but if it doesn’t interest and dazzle us, you getting no appreciation. DAH!

3)Dear friend, during a conversation every girl loves to hear their guy talk but more we love to have you listen to us when we talk. So you complaining that the girls you’ve been with wants you to be the talk active person kinda tells me that you haven’t been with real amazing girls. Conversation’s should never be one sided, it should be you talk and she talks.
When you with the right person though, you’d actually forget about who’s supposed to be quiet and listen and who’s supposed to be the talk active, why? Because you both will flow with the same rhythm (talk when it’s needed and share silence when convos’s aren’t necessary). So sweet heart, go find your right girl.

4)Smh! Smh! Smh! Smh! Not all girls will put up unnecessary kind of activities when they like you joor. Which kind girls you they meet sef. Your taste is so retarded. You definitely need to be more vesatile and diverse in your choice of ladies.

5) Hehe! Money isn’t the major ish real girls look for in a guy. We care a lot more about your character, vision, intelligence and stuffs like that but then it sure is an added advantage if you got cash and if you are cute, 6ft tall and with killer 6pacs you sure as hell got us.

You know during that time of ‘toasting’, you have to show us that you are caring and would love to hang out with our friends at times. So buying ice cream for me and taking my friend’s to KFC is kind of necessary but if I reject you after all that then it simply means you didn’t pass the test at the end. So go up your game.

6) Replying this your sex question is kind of weird for me but really when you were going down on her she force u? Did she tell you if you don’t give her head you guys would break up? So if you did it voluntarily why not allow her decide if she wants to reciprocate the gesture and if you didn’t do it voluntarily, well the same stunt she pulled on you should be the same you pull on her. SHIKENA.

Again again I ask the question, what kind of girls do you meet? What kind of girl will jonze her ‘boyfriend’ and give ‘it’ to another guy (except the other guy is the real boyfriend and you are the actual other guy).

7) Trust is a very essential necessity in a successful relationship. If I ‘mistakenly’ kiss another guy I could remorsefully tell my boyfriend but if it’s a habit (to cheat and then tell) then please break up with me if I’m your girlfriend. That said, you should be grateful your boo loves you enough to tell you her mistake but don’t you take it if she always cheat.

Aah yes! If my boyfriend gulps alcohol to the extent that he demands a bottle as a gift… (well I won’t even date him in the first place). So your babe should get your alcohol instead of something more valuable and something that could actually last? Well I guess I just discovered why you met lousy girls. You know like attracts like yea?

So so so! My dear friend I hope I have been able to answer your questions and convince you that the girls you have met are retarded (kind of enlightens me on your taste. Smh) and so you should re-think your turning gay decision and instead go out to meet real girls.

Before I go, one question. Why do you think that what makes sense to us will appeal to you? Guys slangs and mood of life is bullshit to us girls, so kindly keep away from our slangs like we do yours.
Yours’ sincerely

Read up Part one Rant here —>www.jopesisays.wordpress.com/2013/04/28/179/?relatedposts_exclude=420

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NO to Child Abuse.| The Girl child deserves the Best and More

Today I got a BC that said I should sign a petition against The senate Government for their approval of the bill allowing Marriage of Underage girls.

“What is this world turning into?
What is Nigeria becoming?”

•As I sit and think about this, Tears begin to drop.•

I started thinking of all the aspects of Child abuse, From Molestation, to Child Trafficking and now to Marriage of underage girls.

The society doesn’t have to bother only about what a child molested would be in the future, or the ills of child trafficking, now we have to bother about married girls who haven’t had the chance to undergo puberty, Girls who would start seeing their menstrual cycle in their husband’s house, Girls who would most likely have complications during labour, Girls who wouldn’t have the chance to interact with their peers in a normal capacity.

How is these generation going to be brighter and better if the children being raised are made to go through serious emotional trauma?

~~A molested child grows up to hate the sex that molested him/her or grows up thinking that he/she isn’t worthy or good enough and ends up misusing his/her body.
`The girls might hate guys and become attracted to girls, or they become sluts, feeling like they are not good enough for real love and relationship – they’d end up misusing their bodies.
`The guys would become sex maniac’s, using and dumping females, some would end up being gay because A female adult molested him as a child.
`And the one’s who are molested by an adult of same sex, has even more trauma to deal with.
If God doesn’t intervene, their future is drenched.
`A child who is trafficked forgets the value of life and self-worth. A trafficked child’s mind becomes fixated on money, they end up thinking that life begins and end’s with money and anything can and should be done with themselves or others to produce money.

This ills are still being dealt with. Laws haven’t been made, bills haven’t been approved. Measures hasn’t been adequately set in place to combat these and Now another has been added – the Marriage of underage girls.

Really? What are men looking for in children?
They don’t have developed Breasts or even vagina, so what sexual gratification do they get?
Is a thirteen year old supposed to be a wife and the maybe a mother? Really?

Nigerian would grow with this development?
What on earth are the law makers thinking?
Would they marry off their own underage girls?

So, females ain’t worth anything anymore in nigeria?

Education isn’t important? Food, Shelter, Good health, Emotional stability isn’t important anymore?
A girl child doesn’t need to grow up well like a male counterpart?

Girls shouldn’t go to school? They shouldn’t interact with kids of their age? They shouldn’t be allowed to be taught and seen through puberty by their mothers? They can’t be allowed to be naïve anymore at their teenage years?

Females are not integral parts of this country’s tomorrow?

Months ago, they signed in 14years Jail term for Gays and lesbians.
So marrying out young children isn’t as bad as (even worse than) Homosexuality? That’s what they are saying right?

Aaaaah!
I bleed in my heart for this kids that’d have to go through this.
I cry for this kids that won’t be able to fight, to say NO! To this abuse.

Please Nigeria!
Please Let’s help our Tomorrow.
Stop all forms of Child abuse.
Please.

The Girl child Deserves the Best and More.
Please.

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RANT|Boys, Men, Male what the ‘F’ is your Problem?

I read a post of ‘thathman’ (http://thathman.wordpress.com/2013/04/07/rant-girls-women-females-whatever-your-problems-are/) saying how bitchy and stupid females are. This is to correct his thoughts.

Guys, we want you to be disciplined,principled and gentle-manly (that’s all). It’s really sweet when you quickly move up front to open the door for us and when you open the car door for us (before entry and Yes! Before exit). Now is that too much to ask? Now, what is wrong in wanting you crappy creatures to act right? Or is it that majority of you are just not “MAN ENOUGH” to open ‘common’ door or to wait for a Female to pass through first?

What’s wrong in using our feminine charm,embracing our sensitivity and vulnerability (not as weaker vessels which we are not,but as creatures who are not afraid to accept and show their feelings). Though we are more susceptible to feelings all that emotional gibberish, its does not mean that we should be the one’s to ask out. Yes I may like you but I have pride and ego also. Traditionally (in nigeria at least), ‘Na Man dey run after Woman’, so No nigeria male has a right to want a girl to ask him out first. We even know that, girls who are desperate or ‘bold enough’ to ask a guy out first, end up regretting it ,because they are taken for granted in the long run.

Its general knowledge (though no one likes to admit it) that women can do whatever (like what so ever) a man can do. Fighting to protect our rights and trying to make you little minds (the male species) realise that we are all equal,that no one is the weaker vessel, is not in any way an element of insecurity. Its knowing our worth and not allowing any one trample it. Personally, any guy who is threatened by females protecting their rights or thinks that our fight is cause we can’t handle our own is obviously not man enough to deal with females in position. So sorry dude, hope you grow up soon.

Seriously, guys need do something to you thinking. Thathan, what is wrong in managing a career and a home? I do not fault your thinking though, because it’s obvious, the females ‘you’ know are not able to manage a career and a home (No offence,but you should advise your sisters and female relatives to not bother about school. You know they should be house wives ever!).
Now, being a rational person,i actually do not support neglecting the home and kids (totally) because of a job. So instead of telling us to remain at home forever,advise those you can, to go for less stressful careers. If a woman can’t perform her marital duties, that’s a personal issue between the couple (don’t generalise).
And yes! Males generally have loose pants. No matter how good a woman could, you people would still carry your ‘yeye’ selves and date someone outside. (Prayers highly needed for you people)

No smart person on earth would expect you to be able to read their mind (well,except they are certain you have superpowers). But, naturally, as life and God has made it, the more you spend time with people,the closer you become, the better you know the person and the greater your chances of predicting them right. So, if you can’t understand the females very close to you, it’s your fault. Deal with it.

Let’s go to the bible; right from time, women do not shave (barb) their hair. So yes,this generation of females may be too engrossed in fashion, wearing brazilian, Caribbean, indian hair and all that ish, but I bet you, males of this age are freaking attracted to this things. If you barb your hair now, they’d say you are being a tomboy which they see as a ‘NO NO’

Okay, I’m done with trying to influence and correct your highly faulty thoughts.
Bottom line is, Most females have better attitudes and a brighter future that their male counterparts.
So instead of bitching around and calling us names, go work on yourself and please for the sake of the next generation, Pray for yourselves.

In reply to thatman’s http://thathman.wordpress.com/2013/04/07/rant-girls-women-females-whatever-your-problems-are/

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Relationships

Uhm, i may have alot to say here the problem is how to put in down.
Well,here are a few guidelines to having a successful relationship:
1) Do not ever jump into a relationship without knowing the other person. You should know at least the basics like name,age,career choice,religion, alittle about the persons hobbies,likes and dislikes. What does he/she do for fun? Who are their friends? Before you begin dating you guys should do alot of talking,asking questions. BE FRIENDS first.
2)While dating,Focus on building each other,developing each other. Don’t rush into intimacy,there’s going to be time for that later,later.
3)Communication: You guys should learn to talk about anything and everything. Talk about your joys and your sorrows. Share secrets. Just talk. Communication is what keeps a relationship when everyoda thing fails.
4)Idealogies: There’d always conflict if you guys do not share similar views. Now i donot mean views like football team to support or political party to support,i mean views like career choices,religion,how many kids you want to have,where you want to live. These things if not settled early,if a compromise is not reached early could shatter the relationship.
4)Conflict: Now,you shouldnt be fearful of conflicts cause they must always show up. What makes the difference is how you handle conflict times.
First,i’d say never Assume. Donot assume to know what your partner is thinking and do not assume he/she knows what is going on in your head(well,expect he/she is a certified mind reader). Also,do not insist you are right,even if you are-sometimes accept defeat so peace could reign. Try not to end arguments,feeling or making the other person feel degraded or humiliated.
5)Intimacy: here’s the big issue. Well i’d just say donot do anything expect you really want to. Do not allow any one pressure you to do anything. If your partner cant wait till you ready then they do not love you and hence is not the right one for you.
Intimacy doesnt keep relationships.

Let say these:
*No body is perfect so do not expect a perfect person.
*The best relationship are due to the best effort and the work done.
*If you don’t love yourself,no body can love you.
*That thing you want,wants that thing too(you want cute and smart?,well cute and smart wants a cuter and smarter too).
*If God doesnt build a house,it shall definetly fall. So make God the foundation of your relationship.