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When a Million Sorries wouldn’t make a Difference.

Omo,

Nights are usually the hardest, that moment just before I doze off is when my mind does a flashback and my heart beat increases its temple by a million. It’s when I feel the pain, get a taste of my own stupidity and cry out hot tears that substitute for what I can’t say.

This is probably one of the very few things I’d regret for the rest of my life – as I write this, the only thing I can remember regretting. One of those mistakes that changes one’s life forever. Continue reading

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A letter to God 3

Dear Father,
Hallowed be your name. May your kingdom come. May your Will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Grant me mercy as u endow me with sufficient grace to also show mercy and care.

Lord, the last time I wrote, I was pleading with you to purge me of all that isn’t you-related, I was begging you to edify and cleanse me.
Now, I’m writing to say
“Thank You, Thank you lord. Thank you so much for answers to my prayer.
Even with all that transpired last night, I woke up this morning with PEACE, A kind of unexplainable Peace, A Peace that indeed Transcends my understanding. Lord, I feel like you’ve given A closure. Father, you have given strength and the needed grace to Fight against it, to stay strong, to forget and not dwell on it.
I can’t explain how I good I feel. I feel like I can do all, I can carry on. Your presence feels me, Your Love makes me Strong. Aaah! Father!
Once again, you’ve proved to be God. You answer prayers, You are a God of evidence. Father, I Thank you.
Thank you for the courage to carry on.
Thank you for proving again that You’d always be there and that I can and will go through anything successfully, that I come out strong of every and any situation.
Bless you father.
I am just Saying Thanks.

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Short Prayer to God

This is a new Semester
My 2nd semester in 200l
My 4th semester in Delsu
By the end of this semester, I’d be done with Half the time I’m spending in this Varsity.

Sighs! School hasn’t been easy!

I’ve seen things. I’ve experienced things. I’ve had fun but I’ve also cried. I’ve been down and yet I’ve been super hyper. I’ve be Trusted, I’ve been Tested. I’ve been manipulated and I’ve manipulated. I’ve made friends and lost friends. I’ve heard rumors (of people and of me). I’ve had to deal with issues. I’ve developed a relationship with God and the Holy spirit but I’ve also had my Faith shaken. I’ve seen and experienced attraction (at it’s peak). I’ve made friends for life. I’ve admired and oh yes! I’ve been admired. I’ve been depressed and I have made peeps depressed.
Hehe! Delsu, Abraka! My Hostel! Mehn! I likey though. It’s been great and it’s been a stepping stone.

As this semester begins, I say this Short prayer to you Lord,
“Father, God Almighty, My Lord, My Helper, My Friend. I love and Worship you, Today, tomorrow and forever. May your kingdom keep growing. Have mercy on me, forgive, blot and forget all my sins – the deeds, words and thoughts. The known and unknown sins.
Lord Jesus, I ask that this semester be my Best Semester Yet. May Favour pursue me, May Grace become my first and last name, May your Glory radiate in and on me, May my light •your light in me• shine so bright, May I water dry places, May I be the salt to add taste to tasteless places, people and things, May everything I do, touch and think be fruitful, May I act and speak and think according to your will.
Lord, Endow me with all I need to do your works. Envelope me with Strength and courage, Discipline and Determination. Let your Purpose locate me.
I’d attend all classes, Do all Assignment, and participate in every practical. I’d meet and interact with the right people. I’d make the right friends. I’d have the strength to carry on, no matter what. I shall encounter little or no UNNECCESSARY complications.
In my hostel, you’d guide me, protect me, keep me.
In Church, you draw me closer and closer to you. I’d be friends with people that’d elevate me spiritually.
In class, I’d be the best. My little efforts would produce great and mighty results. I will understand and remember all I am taught and all I read.
Give me tolerance. Give me the spirit of individuality and uniqueness. Give me A focus and A purpose. Bless me. Give me directions. Speak to me always lord. Guide me. Give me strength and grace and mercy.
I shall attract the right people and things. I shall have all I want.
I am a wonder. I am a sign. I am an evidence,source and manifestation of your glory. Purpose is locating. No limitations. I can DO ALL. My mind is expanding. I am growing.
Physically, spiritually, socially and academically I am growing and become better.
Thank you father for this and more in Jesus Name. Amen.”

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A letter to God 2

Dear Father,
Writing this, I was tempted to ask how you are, Then I remembered I’m writing To you Lord, God Almighty, the Creator of Heaven and Earth, Of everything seen and unseen, the God that Heaven is his Throne and Earth his Footstool, The Lord above All lords, The Greatest of the greatest, The God that a 1000years is but a day to him and a day is as a 1000years, The God of All Grace, The God of Everlasting Love, The God of continual Mercy. Oh! Yes! Father, You are fine, More than okay and You still looking out for me (Thanks).

Uhm, you know I love you right? I love you so much, I adore you and want to always worship you every second with my being. You amaze me, I’m mesmerised By your greatness, fascinated by Your Love and Charmed by your Being. I love you to pieces. My soul cries out in Thirst for you (everytime). My heart is yours’ Oh lord!

You’ve been faithful, You’ve been steadfast, You’ve never failed but Lord, I’ve failed so many times, everytime. Lord, You’ve seen me, seen my depth (all my flaws and sins) but you still love me. Everytime I back-slide, whenever I fall, You are always eager to take me back and pick me up. You’ve made sure I always obtain mercy whenever I ask for it.
*sighs*

Thank you Father.

May your kingdom grow, May people glorify your name continually.

Ok! Father, I love you, you’ve given me grace upon grace upon grace, All the grace I need to carry on, All the grace I would ever need in life, You’ve blessed me with treasures, You’ve endowed me with every single thing I’d need in my life’s journey.
You’ve given the strength, perseverance, and Grace to withstand all Challenges, to go through all trials and temptations, To jump over all obstacles. I know Lord, That I can and will come out of all trials, temptations and challenges strong and victorious.
But, I’m writing this Lord, to REMIND you that you said. “You’d never leave nor forsake me, that you’d always be there to guide and see me through, that I’m more than a conqueror, that because you love me, I’d rise and shine greatly, that because you are God, you’d blot out my transgressions and forget my sins but that most importantly lord, You’ve said I shall not be smitten and that YOU WILL NEVER TAKE AWAY YOUR GRACE and I will always find solace, bliss and mercy in your arms”

Father, You know me better than I know my self. You feel what I feel more than anyone else.
Hence, I’m certain you know how much you mean to me, how much I want to live for you and Father, I know you know how I want to get RID OF this ISH. I want to BE PURGED of this Feeling, this craving, this SIN. I want to Be fully edified. Jesus, Help me get away from this, Help me Stop this.
It’s eating me up, It’s draining me, It’s going to ruin me, it’s making me ‘extrally’ stubborn, it’s making me lose Focus.
Father, I don’t want to defy your Spirit, I don’t want to DEFY your SPIRIT, I don’t want to DEFY your SPIRIT.
With a crumbling heart, with teary eyes, I write this to you to say “Father, ERASE it from me, PURGE it of me. I want no memory or feelings of it no more. Take it away, So I Can Serve you as I OUGHT TO”

From your daughter
Jopesi.

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Happy 20th TO Layefa

Hey love…
1st, I’d say ” Happy Birthday. I wish you long life and prosperity, I wish you the best life has to offer, I wish that all your dreams come true.”

When I first knew you, you wanted to kill me (hehe, Yea! Its true,you remember right? :p ).
Then I felt you didn’t like me and mehn! I was scared of you because whenever we managed to see, you gave me the ‘I’d Kill you soon’ sign.
I remember running to Jay and telling her “omo! Jay, Layefa wan kee me o! Like I swear, she always gives me either a warning sign or a kill u soon sign. Mehn! That babe they scare me die'”.

Then, I went home for a week and you, Jay and Ejay had bounded. I thought it was awhile thing but it wasn’t, so I (we) had no choice but to start talking.
I must admit, I didn’t like you so much at first (well… because I had to share my friends with you #memories hehe), and I found it tough in my head to get use to you always being around. *sighs* I did resign and got use to it (I didn’t still like you so much, I just accepted you).

Then 2nd semester ended, found out you stayed in Benin (like me).
…Somehow, Somehow, we ended up going home together (I think that’s when our friendship started shey?).
Then my Grandmum’s burial came, I needed a friend to come sleep over at my crib since I’d be alone and I asked you and you accepted.

The rest is history!!!

Now, You a very Important person in my Life.
You’ve been a blessing (and a curse… Hehe! No mind me o, Just kidding). I’ve learnt so much from you (I doubt you know that right), most important of all is ‘How to love (with so much endurance and tolerance) and how to be a little more patient’.
Mehn! You’ve been a trial, you’ve given me headaches (and heart aches too), you’ve made me laugh stupidly, you’ve also made me cry, you’ve listened to me when I really needed it, you’ve cared (oh! Your care, it’s a virtue), You taken my bullshit.
We’ve seen ourselves at our worst and best, We’ve gossiped together, eaten together, played together and Prayed together. We’ve quarrelled but All in All you remain my baby and I love you to bits.

Your big heart is amazing, the way you care is thrilling, Your babyness is … Cute and annoying, Your attitude, Your patience, Your Love, Your friendship is just ‘Muah’.

Summary is, YOU ARE an AMAZING Person and I love you senseless.

I know sometimes I maybe hard on you, sometimes I annoy you, Other times you wished it wasn’t me you loved as much, Most times I make you do all the errands, I know I make you ache but I LOVE YOU STILL and I want the Best for you.

I know they are times I act like I don’t care, times I’m very impatient with you, times I make you wanna break my head then yours, I know they are times it seems I deliberately hurt you but truth is I just LOVE YOU to PIECES.

Hey! Don’t you 4get the times I’m very sweet and the times I make you laugh or the times we don’t quarrel at all or the times we just ‘unintentionally’ decide to pick on each other and don’t you ever 4get the times we tear Jay apart, when we tirelessly give her headaches and make her ‘reduce’ (lmao).

This is just to tell you that I really do care and love you and that I only want what’s best for you.
I want you to get out of your comfort zone and explore – just the way you started to play games and enjoy them, that’s how I want you to try out new stuffs, get more hobbies.
I can’t wait (well, I can but you hurry up) for you to discover yourself, I can’t wait for when you’d have your own choir, I can’t wait for you to have so much money that you’d buy new stuffs everyday. I can’t wait for you to really ‘perfectly fall in love’, I can’t wait for all your desires and wishes to come true and most of all, I can’t wait for you to have a consistent,intimate and amazing Revealing Relationship with God.

Ok! I have tire to write…

HAPPY 20th love…
Have an amazing birthday and Life..
Wish You LLNP.
May all your desires come true and may all God’s promises be fulfilled in your life and may Us ‘four’ forever remain this close.

Yours’ Always.
Jopesi.

Ps: From my heart, No proof Reading was done sef…

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Letter to my Unborn Son

Hey Nigga,
I’ll probably name you after me cause I’m hoping you’ll be a me or even better. One thing I’m sure about is that I won’t be able to refer to you as ‘Nigga’ and you shouldn’t dare either. You’ll call me dad and I’ll call you, well anything I feel like depending on my mood and your actions.
          I’m damn sure I’ll get you the best mum because I have a very high taste. You’ll respect and love her so much cause without her, your life even with me will be empty. You’ll grow and live life in a manner that pleases you and most importantly God. Trust me, you don’t want to please any human other than yourself. Life is hard but as a kid you wouldn’t notice because I’ll be there for you. As you grow older it becomes tougher, I’ll still be there for you but I’ll want you to learn on your own. At least that’s what I think my dad thinks.
I’ll bug you about school and how important it is because it’s what fathers do and it’s somewhat important. I’ll always be there to guide you and give you counseling. People (Church, society, school) will expect a lot from you but like I said do what is true to you and God.
Oh and yea peer pressure is a very bad must happen disease. You’ll definitely come across bad friends but your ability to stay away from them and make the right choices when you need to, keeps you in check. They’ll pressure you to be like them and even give you virtually reasonable reasons why but do not be fooled and do what is right.
Yep and one more thing, GIRRRLS!!!There’ll be a time when girls wouldn’t mean a thing to you. You’ll probably insult and tease them but as you grow older, you’ll crave for them. Some girls you love mightn’t feel the same way, some might settle with you just to benefit from material things, your looks, style intelligence etc. So instead of letting them play you, play them. Am kidding, or maybe not.
I think that’ll be all for now till we meet, I need to be with your mum now and who knows you might pop out sooner.

Paolo Abamwa

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a Letter To Rosamond

Hey rosamond,
We haven’t met, maybe we never will but I wrote this from my heart and I wish and pray it blesses you.
Take it as a Foundation and work with it throughout your journey, I’m very sure it’d help.
I love you and I hope ‘some how – some how’ you get to read this..

PS: I put it here only because I feel you’d need it as a reference. Incase Chisom goes far away or you somehow can’t find the printout, its always here. Takia and have fun reading and discovering.

Jesus…
…The saviour of your soul
The Gate to eternity
The way to true love
The light of the world

Bringer of salvation
Healer of your soul
Cleanser of your sins
Epitome of holiness

He is the one that tore the veil that separated you and God
He is the one that paid the price for your sins and its consequences
He is the one that intercedes for you
He humbled himself to be sin itself when he actually knew no sin. (What manner of love is this?)

He has brought you EVERYTHING you need.
But
You will receive them ONLY if you BeLiEve and Trust in him ‘Alone’.
He knows it won’t be easy;
Life would happen, Friends would happen, Family would add their own But he promises to be there for you EVERYTIME,
… he promised that ‘The sun won’t smite you by day nor the moon by night, he said ‘he’d preserve you by day and by night and like mount zion, You’d abide forever,”
Rosamond see; He’d never give you more than you can handle, If he brings you to it – he will surely bring you Through It. If you get to the edge, he’d either teach you to fly or he would catch you when you fall But he will NEVER leave you stranded. (Amazing right?)

He so is in love with you that no matter what you do, he’d love you still.
He feels for you. He feels what you feel and more.
He understands what no other person will.

He has given you the Holyspirit (without limit) to interpret and teach us all things.
He has endowed us with Abundant grace and steadfast continual Mercy. (Bestest Gifts ever)

He will NEVER leave nor forsake you.

He longs to gist with you…
To teach you..
…Teach you to live
To love
To pray
To talk
Teach you how to be YOU.

He Is my best friend,
Rosamond won’t you make him yours too?
He is the friend that would be there when no one else is…
He’d love you, care for you and protect you even when you shun him.
He knows you better than you know yourself.

Have fun with him as you discover the power in You and the great and mighty things you could do. Bless!

Your newest friend
Jopesi.
Much love.